she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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