i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
