I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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