why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
