it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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