I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
