so that wasnt chicken after all
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
