I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize