i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
