apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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