Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the day after is always just damage control
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
