how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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