____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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