This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
