Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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