So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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