I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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