But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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