so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
