We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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