No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
