please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
