The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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