Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
