Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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