he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
