well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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