i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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