sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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