Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
