you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
