Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
