my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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