you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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