Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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