I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize