Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my poor anus
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
