I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
