i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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