And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize