oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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