im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
