Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
