is your mom at the bar?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
