Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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