If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That's intense
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
