OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
