best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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