Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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