He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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