I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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