apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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