hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
