yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
