When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
