Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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