PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
