Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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