i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
