I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
