i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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