what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
