it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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