i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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