I could have mohawked her pubes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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