I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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