Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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