i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
