There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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