My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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