True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
