Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They have beer where we have blood.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
