Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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