Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
